Should I Get a Divorce? Honest Questions to Ask Yourself First

Many people who search “should I get a divorce” already know how they feel. The harder questions are practical ones: where the kids would sleep on a Tuesday night, whether one paycheck could cover rent, and who would keep the house. Your answers can make the choice clearer.

Below you’ll find the questions people in Arizona weigh before they stay or go, plus a look at how Arizona’s no-fault and community-property rules shape what happens next.

Start With Why You’re Asking

Before you weigh the house or the budget, look at what’s behind the question. A bad year and a finished marriage can feel the same from the inside. Asking what changed, when it changed, and what you’ve already tried helps you tell whether you want out of the marriage or out of a hard stretch.

Name the moment the question first showed up. A job loss, a new baby, or a parent’s illness can strain a marriage that still works underneath.

Think about what you’ve both tried: counseling, honest conversations, real changes in behavior. When one of you stopped trying a while ago, that tells you something too.

Then ask what you hope divorce will fix. Loneliness in the marriage can end when the marriage ends. Money stress can follow you into a new household.

People move through this at different speeds. Our post on the five emotional stages of considering divorce describes where many readers find themselves, from avoiding the question to being finished with it.

Should I Get a Divorce? A Checklist of 8 Questions To Ask Yourself

This checklist works best on paper, answered alone, over a few days. You won’t get a score. You’ll see which parts of the decision feel settled and which ones need more information from a counselor, a financial planner, or an attorney.

1. Which would give our children a calmer day-to-day life: staying together, or two homes? See the children section below.
2. Could each of us afford a separate place to live? The budget table below helps.
3. What would happen to the house, and do I want to keep it? See the house options below.
4. Do I know what we own and what we owe? Start with the accounts list below.
5. Do I feel safe at home, physically and emotionally? Safety comes before everything else.
6. Is staying good for my health, or is it wearing me down? See the health section below.
7. Does my spouse want to fight, or would we both rather settle this quietly? This often decides the path.
8. If nothing changed for five more years, could I live with that? A “no” is useful information, not a decision.

What About the Children?

If the children are the main reason you’re hesitating, start here. Children usually cope better with a divorce when their parents keep conflict low, keep routines steady, and stay involved. The American Academy of Pediatrics notes that children tend to be more resilient and less stressed when there is less conflict.

A few questions to answer on paper:

• How much conflict do the children see now, and would it go down or up after a separation?
• Could the two of you make school and health care decisions together without a fight?
• How would the week work: school pickup, weekends, and holidays?
• Who handles which parts of their care today?

You can read the American Academy of Pediatrics’ advice on supporting children after parents separate for more on what helps children through the change.

How Arizona Decides Parenting Time

Arizona courts decide legal decision-making and parenting time based on the child’s best interests under A.R.S. § 25-403. The factors include each parent’s relationship with the child, the child’s adjustment to home, school, and community, and which parent is more likely to support the child’s contact with the other parent.

Arizona’s stated policy, absent evidence to the contrary, favors substantial, frequent, meaningful, and continuing parenting time with both parents. Parents who agree can write their own parenting plan, which the court reviews for the child’s best interests. Child support is calculated under the Arizona Child Support Guidelines, which look mainly at both parents’ incomes and parenting time. Our child support page explains how that works in practice.

Can You Afford to Live Separately?

Divorce turns one household into two, usually on the same combined income. Before you decide, sketch a rough monthly budget for each home: rent or mortgage, utilities, insurance, car costs, and child care. Then compare those two budgets with today’s to see the monthly gap.

Expense	One household today	Two households after divorce
Housing	One rent or mortgage	Two, plus deposits and moving costs
Utilities and internet	One set of bills	Two sets of bills
Health insurance	Often one family plan	One spouse may need a separate plan
Furniture and basics	Shared	A second set of beds, dishes, and a couch
Children’s things	One set	Clothes and school gear at both homes

Not the one who handles the finances? Write down the banks, retirement plans, and credit cards you know about. Don’t move any money. For now, a list of what exists is enough.

Spousal maintenance may be part of the plan when one spouse earns much less than the other. Our Arizona alimony calculator gives a rough estimate to start from.

Arizona doesn’t require spouses to live apart before one of them files, and some couples stay under one roof until the divorce is final. That can also help you decide when to get a divorce, since you can plan the move around a lease or a school year. Talk with an attorney before either of you moves out. The children’s living arrangements in the first months can shape what follows.

What Happens to the House?

In Arizona, a home bought during the marriage is generally community property, so it belongs to both spouses no matter which paycheck covered the mortgage. In a divorce, couples typically sell it, have one spouse buy out the other, or trade the house against other assets of similar value. For many people, the house is the hardest piece.

Option	How it works	Worth asking
Sell and divide	You sell, pay off the mortgage, and split what’s left	Can each of you afford to buy or rent afterward?
Buyout	One spouse keeps the home and pays the other for their share, often by refinancing	Can the spouse who stays qualify for the loan alone?
Trade against other assets	One spouse keeps the house, and the other keeps assets of similar value, such as a retirement account	Are the values comparable after taxes and fees?
Delay the sale	You both keep ownership for a set time, often until a child finishes school	Can the two of you co-own property without conflict?

Spouses who agree can set those terms themselves instead of leaving the split to a judge.

A divorce decree can assign the mortgage to one spouse, but the lender isn’t bound by that order. A.R.S. § 25-318 warns that creditors aren’t parties to the divorce, so both spouses can stay responsible for a joint loan until someone refinances or pays it off.

Is Staying Healthier Than Separating?

Only you can weigh this part of the decision, but watch a few signals: your sleep, your mood, whether you feel like yourself at home, and whether the children are absorbing the tension. Staying can be the healthier choice when both of you are working on the marriage. It tends to wear you down when only one of you is.

Some people stay married for decades mainly to avoid the process of leaving. When fear of a courtroom fight is the main thing keeping you in place, learn what the process could look like before you decide. For long marriages, where retirement accounts and a paid-off home are often on the table, our page on gray and silver divorce covers what’s different.

Safety comes first. If you don’t feel safe, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233, and read about orders of protection in Arizona. We don’t recommend mediation, including Divorced in a Day, when there is abuse, threats, or coercion.

How Arizona Law Shapes What Happens Next

Two Arizona rules frame almost every divorce here. Arizona is a no-fault state for most marriages, so you don’t have to prove anyone did anything wrong. It’s also a community-property state, so what either of you earned and bought during the marriage generally belongs to both of you, along with the debts. Together, those rules mean fault rarely changes who gets what.

No-Fault Divorce in Arizona

• Grounds. A court grants a divorce when it finds the marriage is “irretrievably broken” under A.R.S. § 25-312. Covenant marriages follow stricter grounds.
• One spouse generally can’t block it. For most marriages, a spouse’s refusal alone doesn’t keep you married. If a spouse denies under oath that the marriage is broken, the court holds a hearing on whether reconciliation is possible. It may decide then, or it may postpone the case up to 60 days, sometimes with a conciliation conference.
• Misconduct. Courts divide community property without regard to marital misconduct. An affair on its own doesn’t change the split, though a court can account for community money that was wasted or hidden.
• Timing. One spouse must live in Arizona for 90 days before filing, and the court waits at least 60 days after service before the divorce can be final.

For your decision, this means you can focus on what you want your life to look like. You don’t need to build a case.

Community Property in Arizona

• What’s shared. Property and income either spouse acquires during the marriage is generally community property under A.R.S. § 25-211. Gifts, inheritances, and property owned before the marriage generally stay separate.
• Debts count too. Debts taken on during the marriage are generally shared as well.
• How it’s divided. Courts divide community property “equitably, though not necessarily in kind,” under A.R.S. § 25-318.
• After filing. Once a divorce petition is served, new earnings and property generally belong to the spouse who acquires them, if the case ends in a decree. Anything bought with community money stays community property.

The practical question becomes whether your share of the combined finances can support the life you want.

When Your Answers Point in Different Directions

Mixed answers are common. You might feel sure about the marriage and unsure about money, or the other way around. That usually means you need one more piece of information before you decide. Each next step below keeps your options open.

If your answers mostly say…	A reasonable next step
We both want to try	Couples counseling with a licensed therapist
I want out, and my spouse doesn’t	Individual counseling, plus a confidential consultation to learn your options
We both think it’s over	Talk about how to divorce rather than whether, starting with how to talk to your spouse about divorce
I don’t feel safe	Safety planning first, with the hotline above
I can’t tell yet	Keep private notes for a few weeks, then revisit the checklist

Meeting with an attorney doesn’t file anything or notify your spouse.

If You Decide to Divorce, Does It Have to Be a Fight?

Not always. In our experience, the path usually turns on one question: does your spouse want to fight? If you both broadly agree the marriage is over and want to stay out of court, Divorced in a Day is designed to help qualifying couples settle their divorce terms in a single day, with attorney-mediators, one flat fee, and no court appearances.

Here is how our Divorced in a Day program works:

• One day, separate rooms. Two attorney-mediators work with you and your spouse in separate rooms. Contact with your spouse will not occur.
• Flat fee, no surprises. The cost is $5,000 total for both spouses, including filing, service, notary, and delivery fees.
• Preparation first. You complete an intake questionnaire and inventory worksheets before the session, so we draft most of the paperwork before you arrive.
• No court appearances. We file through Arizona’s Summary Consent Decree process the next business day, and your decree follows the 60-day waiting period.

When Divorced in a Day Isn’t the Right Fit

When your spouse wants to fight, won’t agree on the big issues, or won’t take part at all, we also handle contested divorces. The same applies when there is abuse or coercion in the relationship. Kate Simonds has handled hundreds of contested bench trials. We prefer efficient resolutions whenever possible, and we’re prepared to advocate in court when a case needs it.

Talk Through Your Situation With Us

If you’re still asking “should I get a divorce,” you can call us before you’ve decided anything. A consultation gives you facts about your situation, and it doesn’t commit you to anything. Call (480) 433-9747 or schedule a consultation. There’s no consultation fee to discuss Divorced in a Day, and our mediation services page explains how we approach mediation.

Frequently Asked Questions

This article is intended for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.